Thursday, December 21, 2006

Life isn't fair.

Yes, I know that is not a new revelation, but it's what is on my mind right now.

It is the wee hours of the morning and I can't sleep. It's not that I
don't want to sleep. It's not that I don't feel tired. I suffer from
acid-reflux and tonight isn't a night that will let me sleep.

For anyone who doesn't suffer with this cruel trick of nature, you are
lucky. You have no idea how lucky you are. Me, I have to purchase tums
by the crate. The prescription , once-a-day drugs don't always work.
And, try as I might, I haven't been able to determine what types of
foods trigger an attack.

What is an attack like? I'm glad you asked. It's the worst heartburn you've ever had. It's gas trying to escape your belly. It's a coughing as the bile escapes your stomach and makes its way up your esophagus. It's a burning in your throat as
you feel nauseous with the plastic-like taste of a lump of stomach acid. It's all that combined and more.

Someone I love suffers from chronic back pain. During these nights of forced insomnia, I envy his pain. Because his pain is chronic, he knows it will be there. I never know what night I'll sleep and what night I'll be awake, wishing for comfort. Or what night I will be awoken from a sound sleep, feeling as if I'm drowning because of the acid reflux. Or what night I'll be worshiping porcelain god like some over-indulgent frat boy, feeling the burning in my throat for hours afterward.

I've tried all I can think of to alleviate the discomfort. I sleep with LOTS of pillows to keep my head propped up. It doesn't always work -- as evidenced by me writing this at one in the morning. I eat anti-acids like candy and try to avoid any foods I think MAY cause a reaction. (A difficult task since I can be suffering one day and not another after eating the same foods....)

Tonight I will spend the rest of the "sleeping hours" on the couch - sitting up, trying to get some much needed rest. I can tell now that my brain won't be functioning that well once the sun comes up. But what other choice do I have?
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