Sunday, August 21, 2011

I miss my baby. But I'm really disappointed in her, too.

I had the dubious honor of taking my little girl to college this past week. She's only a few hours away, but she's homesick. Or, rather, she doesn't think college is for her. I'm not sure how a person can tell that after two days and before classes even start, but there you have it.

When I talk to her on the phone, she sounds so sad. So very sad. And that isn't her personality. In fact, she has a smile that you can hear in her voice. She is usually so outgoing and bubbly. She is normally a kid who makes friends easily, yet she's spent every spare moment so far sitting in her dorm. Yes, I realize the upside is that she isn't out partying, but she isn't out doing anything else, either. One of my favorite sounds in the world is her laughter, and I miss it. Like crazy.

I don't understand where she's coming from. I honestly and truly don't.

You see, she's fortunate enough to have this golden opportunity. Due to some circumstances, she has college practically paid for. She is being handed an education right there on a silver platter and she acts like she doesn't want it.

I know I'm biased. I think a college degree is important. Very important. So important, in fact, that I spent a total of 15 years trying to get mine. I won't go into the statistics of how much more a college graduate makes over a lifetime. It's a significant difference. Are there more important things then money? Of course there are. At least there are until you can't pay the rent. Then money becomes a bit more important. What's that phrase? Money can't buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to be miserable in a BMW than on a 10-speed. Something like that... A college degree is the difference between working in a coffee shop and owning the coffee shop.

And despite what she claims from customers at the restaurant she worked at, I've never heard of anyone who regretted getting their degree, but I know plenty of people who regret not getting one. (Hey, if I'm wrong, let me know!) Besides her education is practically paid for! Where is the "waste of money" if it isn't your money? (And why couldn't she come up with that moral argument when she wanted a car/prom dress/TOMS/new flat iron?) Where is waste if you take advantage of a limited time opportunity?

I hate to admit it, but I know that if she leaves school I will loose a certain amount of respect for her as a person. Don't misunderstand!! I will always love my baby. And yes, I want her to be happy. I just want her to also be educated. At 18, she has no idea what's going to happen in the next 5-10-30 years. And in all that time, she will need a roof over her head, food in her belly. But I will always remember that she had this chance, one that I had to work so much harder for, and she tossed it aside like a rotten tomato.

I honestly don't care what her degree is in. History? Fine. English? Fine. Physical Therapy? Fine. Counseling? Fine. Underwater Basket Weaving? Fine. I just want her to have that college degree. To have something she can use to fall back on later.

In the current economy, there are enough people unemployed (and, to be fair, underemployed). Many of them are fighting for those minimum wage jobs. Competition can be fierce. An education is a way to give yourself an advantage.

Plus, with all the general classes required, a college student learns a lot of things which can open their minds to so many more opportunities. And opportunities open more doors.

The idea of her miserable breaks my heart, it makes me cry. But I'm not giving in on this one. It's more important for her to have that sheepskin, to take advantage of this opportunity she's being given. I know it's harsh, but if she drops out, she's on her own. No more funds from mom and dad. We will support her as long as she remains in school: car insurance, health insurance, laundry money, whatever it takes. We'll even help once she graduates and is actively looking for work in any field. But not if she leaves school. That's a decision I can't support. And the thought of that breaks my heart.

I know that at 18, she is considered a legal adult. She's made decisions in her six months of adult-hood that I disagree with. She still hasn't registered to vote, which just bugs the crap outta me. We won't discuss the septum piercing. *shiver*

I will always love her. Always. More than she can possibly imagine. But I can't support her making a decision that will limit her future. Maybe I'm just a snob. Maybe I'm I worry too much. Maybe I'm just an overprotective mother who wants what is best for her child. Maybe I'm so cheap that I can't imagine throwing away such an opportunity just because. Maybe I'm letting the sadness in her voice get the best of me.

I think the next few weeks will be tough. On all of us. And I wish it weren't. I wish I'd hear the smile again. I wish she would look toward the future instead of acting like she was stuck in a prison.

Me

3 comments:

Shirley said...

I feel your pain. My daughter attended college for a total of two weeks and decided it wasn't for her. Although hers wasn't paid for.

But I've learned that you can't make kids do something they don't want to do. I can make myself miserable over it, or I can choose to be happy. And I have high hopes that she'll still want to go for an associates degree in something one of these days. I'll happily help her with finances.

My daughter is almost 23 now. She STILL doesn't have her head on straight. Has no idea what she wants to do, but at least she's a good person and not into anything scary or illegal. She's a good kid. Just has a lot of growing up to do still.

Anonymous said...

first off let me start out by saying democrats are ruining our country. i am a liberal. why in the world would i want to vote when i cant agree with my own party nor any of its representatives. after the next election when i am able to vote for someone who can express how i feel then i will vote. but the person who is in congress who will be able to make the actual vote for president, i had no say in. so giving my popular vote is a waste of my energy. i'm smart and i know when what i'm doing is a waste and when its not.

my entire life i never stood still for more then 5 minutes at a time, and i always had a collection of friends who were the same way. but not here. everyone is either a jock or a cowboy. II've only seen cowboy boots or nikes. i haven't seen a single pair of mocs other then the pair on my own feet. i wear leggings a big tshirt, other girls here TRY to show their bra cuz they are in college, and want to find a nice college boy via their breasts. the men here think they can say awful things to the girls and it will attract them. every time i walk around i get yelled at things like "hey bull horn! bring your fine ass over here!" it makes me sick to my stomach. i am a person, and have yet to see a single other girl who see's herself that way. to say i don't really fit in.. well thats an understatement. i have attended almost every event for at least 15 minutes. and everyone of them i left disgusted at the interaction of children in this place. i refuse to leave my dorm for any amount of time only to hear a choruses of "oohhss" and "aahhhhs" every time i pass a group of men. or to listen to a female tell me that the best way to be happy is to be drunk and let a cute boy feel you up right before you pass out on his bed. i have more respect in my left arm then my entire hall put together.

i know its free and throwing it away is a big NO NO. but i can't spend 4 years like this. working for a degree in something i have no intention of EVER using. why can't i just start making money now? and if i get inspired to do something i will do it. but id rather spend my time doing things like working a job i love and volunteering like i did most of high school. learning has always been a huge thing to you, and i admire that in you so much mother. but you also taught me i can teach myself anything and if i can't i need to find the experience. (being home schooled for 9 years helps a person see they can figure out anything on their own) so why the big push to not learn on my own anymore?

i know that if i leave school i will loose you, and dad. and i have thought allot about it. i'm not saying i plan on leaving right this minute. but the state of depression i have is so strong, ill end up very hurt if i stay here to long. ill find a way to make a life without just fine, painfully but at the end of the day me being okay is more important then me being "smart". i wish you saw that mama. i wish that you could see me as your girl who just wants to be happy and that being here makes me so sad.. college ins't for everyone.. just like public school isn't for everyone.. thats why i was home schooled.. i learned more there then i did in 5 minutes of public school. i only went there to be social. and here i have neither.

with the economy these days their are many studies saying that unless you are going for something big like law school or doctor don't bother getting a degree. because it will only take time out of what could be spent getting a job.

i can't look forward to any future feeling like this. i have tried, hopefully class's will make things easier. if not idk what i'm going to do. i love you for you, and i pray that you can do the same for me.

JenBin said...

Shirley, I am trying to be happy. It's difficult when the kiddo doesn't sound that way.

And kiddo, classes will help. So will finding a club. Get involved and you'll find that you like it so much better...