A strange thing happened on the way to the computer....

I am not a morning person.  Not even a little.  Often only time and vast amounts of coffee can make me human.  My normal morning routine involves getting up, stumbling to the kitchen for that first cup, and heading to the computer for mindless activity while my brain realizes I have tricked it into starting the day -- again.  It takes close to two hours for me to consider such craziness as showering and getting dressed.  Yes, I know it's a good thing I'm self-employed and work from home.  Believe me.

So imagine my surprise this morning when, as I was sitting at the computer, I had the idea—nay, desire—to go running.

Exercise isn't my thing.  And I'm frankly not built for it.  Even at my thinnest ever I had to shop the "larger sizes" for tops.  Add in the fact I'm cheap (an a lifetime of being not-wealthy has reinforced that), and I exercise has the potential to be painful.  Not only that, but I have bad knees and have had them since a freak gymnastics accident in middle school.  Another reason I don't like exercise.

Besides, why exercise when there are so many good books out there to read and patterns to knit?

However, I also believe that the Universe talks to us in some interesting ways—that friend who calls when you need to talk, the still small voice that gives you an idea, the radio commercial you keep hearing over and over. 

When I kept hearing about the "Couch to 5K" program and people started telling me about their running, I knew the Universe was trying to get my attention.  Who am I to argue with the Universe?

I spent big bucks to buy a big (and supportive!) bra and picked a date (May 28, 2012) to start the C25K program.  I even put the app on my iPhone.  I was ready for Monday....

Until this morning.  As I sat at my computer I wanted to go run.  Even though it was cold out.  Even though it was raining.  I wanted to do it.

So I did.  I consider this morning my "trial" for the C25K.  I did my running in my back field (huge mistake, I think, considering the mud and grass and rain and yuckiness) and was miserable.  But I did it.  And I'll do it again.  I will finish the C25k program.
 

Have you ever felt like a complete and total failure?

I don't mean the "gee, I'm just not good at singing" or the "one of these days I plan to run that marathon" type of failure. Hey, some people have a talent or gift for music and some don't. Some people have knees that would survive pounding the pavement for 26.2 miles and some don't have cartilage behind their kneecaps.

I'm talking about the "I just ran 26 of the 26.2 mile marathon, the race organizers saw me coming and then they shut down the race so that I couldn't finish" type of failure. (For the record, I totally can't see me ever running a marathon, so that particular fail will never happen to me.) This is how I feel about my weight.

For about three years I was pretty faithful to Weight Watchers. And I did well. I lost 50 pounds in the first 10 months. Then nothing. Not a dang thing. Well, that's not actually correct. I did lose a little. Then gain it back. Then lose a little. Then gain it back. You get the idea. And at $40 a month, I just couldn't afford to spend the cash on something that I wasn't seeing any benefit from.

Please understand, I am fully aware that I will never be skinny. And even if my waist was tiny, I'd weigh more than other people because of the size of my chest. Hey, those things weigh a bit ya know. The worst part is that there are no plus-size clothing stores around here. There's a Deb. And a Dress Barn. But nothing else, really. Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target....

It's not like I spend a lot of money on clothes. I don't even like shopping for clothes that much. Well, I do. But I like shopping for clothes that fit. And that's a hard thing to do.

So I get discouraged. Really discouraged. Could I stand to shed a few pounds? Yep. But I also walk three miles a few times a week. I enjoy my wii fit games. Tex says I'm "unusually strong for a girl." I'm not a complete puff ball. But not finding clothes that fit well and are stylish really gets me down.

Working my tail off and not seeing any progress on the scale is even worse.

I can't be the only person who feels this way. I mean, I'm the only one in my house, but I can't be the only one in the world. Can I?

Me