A strange thing happened on the way to the computer....

I am not a morning person.  Not even a little.  Often only time and vast amounts of coffee can make me human.  My normal morning routine involves getting up, stumbling to the kitchen for that first cup, and heading to the computer for mindless activity while my brain realizes I have tricked it into starting the day -- again.  It takes close to two hours for me to consider such craziness as showering and getting dressed.  Yes, I know it's a good thing I'm self-employed and work from home.  Believe me.

So imagine my surprise this morning when, as I was sitting at the computer, I had the idea—nay, desire—to go running.

Exercise isn't my thing.  And I'm frankly not built for it.  Even at my thinnest ever I had to shop the "larger sizes" for tops.  Add in the fact I'm cheap (an a lifetime of being not-wealthy has reinforced that), and I exercise has the potential to be painful.  Not only that, but I have bad knees and have had them since a freak gymnastics accident in middle school.  Another reason I don't like exercise.

Besides, why exercise when there are so many good books out there to read and patterns to knit?

However, I also believe that the Universe talks to us in some interesting ways—that friend who calls when you need to talk, the still small voice that gives you an idea, the radio commercial you keep hearing over and over. 

When I kept hearing about the "Couch to 5K" program and people started telling me about their running, I knew the Universe was trying to get my attention.  Who am I to argue with the Universe?

I spent big bucks to buy a big (and supportive!) bra and picked a date (May 28, 2012) to start the C25K program.  I even put the app on my iPhone.  I was ready for Monday....

Until this morning.  As I sat at my computer I wanted to go run.  Even though it was cold out.  Even though it was raining.  I wanted to do it.

So I did.  I consider this morning my "trial" for the C25K.  I did my running in my back field (huge mistake, I think, considering the mud and grass and rain and yuckiness) and was miserable.  But I did it.  And I'll do it again.  I will finish the C25k program.
 

Weather in the Black Hills has been demented. Yesterday it was about 70 degrees Fahrenheit. The day before it was above 95. Today's forecast is for the upper 80s. And it's been like that most of the summer.

For the most part, that's not a problem. Except for when I want to be outside. Call me a wimpy, but I have no desire to go for a three-mile walk or bike ride (I don't run/jog) in either pouring rain or scorching heat. I'm just not that dedicated. I have, however, been moving more. Not moving like to a new house. Moving like off my butt and on my feet.

For those of you who like to sweat, that probably sounds lazy. I don't like to sweat. I don't like to exercise for no reason. Yeah, I know being healthy is a reason. Just not one that honestly appeals to me. I would much rather be reading a book or knitting socks than walking to the closest stop sign. (I live in a more rural area. The walk to and from the stop sign is my 3 mile round trip.)

My other exercising problem is that I'm a naturally frugal person. I could join a gym and then be guilt-ed into working out, but I don't want to spend that money. Especially since my hubby is retired from the military and we live fairly close to an Air Force base. I could use the base gym for much less than a gym membership downtown or a membership to the local Y. But, then there's that little problem of gas. Do I want to drive all the way to the base just to work out. By myself. When I could just as easily walk to the stop sign and back.

And now we're back to the weather. Full circle.

So I bribe myself. I already mentioned that I'd rather be reading a book or knitting than exercising. Thankfully, there is a fantastic podcast that combines both: CraftLit. Heather, the host, is amazing. She finds some great readers on Librivox and adds her own insight as a former English teacher. I download a few episodes on my iPod and Heather and I make that walk. Every once in awhile, she talks about her vacations to Deadwood, South Dakota, (a mere 40 miles from me) and I'm tempted to drop her an e-mail. Then I remember I'm very behind on the podcast since I didn't hear about it for the longest time and her life has probably changed since the piece I'm listening to. Seriously, I'm on episode 53 and, according to her website, she's recorded number 230-something. Yep, I'm a little behind. And I only listen to CraftLit when I'm exercising outside. So on those pouring rain days, I'm not listening. Neither do I listen on those scorching hot ones.

When I need to "get my move on" those days, I use the Wii. I have a few different Wii games designed for fitness: Wii fit, Yoga and Pilates U, Walk It Out, Zumba. I'm pretty good about doing something at least three days a week. I may not always like it, but I do it.

I'm not sure if it's the "I'd rather be reading" part or the "frugal" part, but even three days a week is a challenge.

Is that just me? Or have I just not found the exercise for me yet? You'd think after 40 years, I would have found something that fits in, but not yet. I'm open to suggestions...

Me

Have you ever felt like a complete and total failure?

I don't mean the "gee, I'm just not good at singing" or the "one of these days I plan to run that marathon" type of failure. Hey, some people have a talent or gift for music and some don't. Some people have knees that would survive pounding the pavement for 26.2 miles and some don't have cartilage behind their kneecaps.

I'm talking about the "I just ran 26 of the 26.2 mile marathon, the race organizers saw me coming and then they shut down the race so that I couldn't finish" type of failure. (For the record, I totally can't see me ever running a marathon, so that particular fail will never happen to me.) This is how I feel about my weight.

For about three years I was pretty faithful to Weight Watchers. And I did well. I lost 50 pounds in the first 10 months. Then nothing. Not a dang thing. Well, that's not actually correct. I did lose a little. Then gain it back. Then lose a little. Then gain it back. You get the idea. And at $40 a month, I just couldn't afford to spend the cash on something that I wasn't seeing any benefit from.

Please understand, I am fully aware that I will never be skinny. And even if my waist was tiny, I'd weigh more than other people because of the size of my chest. Hey, those things weigh a bit ya know. The worst part is that there are no plus-size clothing stores around here. There's a Deb. And a Dress Barn. But nothing else, really. Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target....

It's not like I spend a lot of money on clothes. I don't even like shopping for clothes that much. Well, I do. But I like shopping for clothes that fit. And that's a hard thing to do.

So I get discouraged. Really discouraged. Could I stand to shed a few pounds? Yep. But I also walk three miles a few times a week. I enjoy my wii fit games. Tex says I'm "unusually strong for a girl." I'm not a complete puff ball. But not finding clothes that fit well and are stylish really gets me down.

Working my tail off and not seeing any progress on the scale is even worse.

I can't be the only person who feels this way. I mean, I'm the only one in my house, but I can't be the only one in the world. Can I?

Me

It started with a gorilla, the need for privacy and cat number 3.

Yeah, that probably doesn't make sense, does it?

Let me explain. A few months ago, the youngest kid was in a rummage sale/thrift shop/garage sale mood. She and a friend were hitting the sales every weekend.

That's where the gorilla came in.

One weekend, the kid came home with a stuffed gorilla. A huge stuffed gorilla. An ugly, huge stuffed gorilla. I mean, this thing is probably three feet tall and fairly realistic looking. Except maybe for the duct tape around the foot.

Being the mom I am, I told her to make sure it got washed before she put it on her bed. And being the mostly-good kid that she is. She did.

Next came the need for privacy. The kid is 17 and a senior in high school. She has a job and does volunteer work. It feels like she's never home! She has a loft bed with a couch underneath and no closet doors, which makes it sometimes look like her closet has vomited into the rest of the room. And she's a bit of a fashionista, so there are clothes and shoes....

So often the door to her room is shut. She's not the kind of kid who freaks out when her dad or I enter the room when she's not home (or even if she is home!), but the door is often shut. Then again, the door doesn't latch really well and is easy pushed open—even if the door is completely closed. Therefore, if the door is shut at 7 a.m., it may be wide open by 10 a.m. and no humans have entered.

And we have cats. Four of them. Yes, I'm aware that crazy people have lots of cats. I still think the cat-to-house ratio should be three. Meaning that at three cats, the people in the house are still sane. At four, they become the "crazy, cat people." That's beside the point.

Anyway, cat number three is somewhere between 8 and 10 years old (I don't remember...must be the crazy, cat woman in me), and was born in our wood pile. The kid was around 8 or 9 the summer hubby paid her $1 for ever stray kitten she could catch. All but one found other homes. One stayed here.

Cat number three has always been tiny. And a bit of a fraidy cat. She very much doesn't like change. So when cat number four was introduced to the mix, cat number three got mad. She took to sleeping in the kid's room, since cat number four wouldn't leave the master bedroom or laundryroom. Of course, that has more to do with dog number three than anything else.

So, cat number three has been sleeping on the kid's bed. The big ugly gorilla has been on the kid's bed. For some reason when the big ugly gorilla showed up, cat number three started pooping on the bed. EWWWWWWWW......

By the time I realized that the cat messes started shortly after the ugly gorilla showed up, this had happened probably five or six times. Now I'm in the process of trying to remove the stink. OK, the kid's room doesn't really stink any more than any other teenage girl's room, but I'm almost positive that the cat can still smell something. And I want that matress disinfected. I considered buying a new one, but she is leaving for college in a few months and I can think of more pressing items to spend our funds on.

Now I'm looking for ways to get the yucky out. I found four "Febreeze-type" recipes at tipnut.com and am looking for comments. Here are the recipes and the URL:

Recipe #1

1 cup fabric softener
1 cup white vinegar
2 cups water

Recipe #2

2 cups water
1 cup fabric softener

Recipe #3

3 cups water
3 TBS fabric softener
3 TBS rubbing alcohol

Recipe #4

2 cups water (warm)
1/4 cup fabric softener
1 TBS baking soda

http://tipnut.com/4-homemade-febreeze-recipes/

Or do you have a better one? I plan to use one today and see if it helps with the kid's room.

Me

I don't do resolutions. No one sticks to them anyway. I do, however, do goals. I have lots of goals. No, really. I have a "you-know-what" load of them. And every December I create ones for the upcoming year.* This year's goals, a little late, are as follows:

• Writing 10,000 words a week. This will finish the current novel and get a solid start on the next. Of course, that doesn't count blog posts, which I also plan to be better at.
• Six new web design clients. This is what allows me to buy all the yarn and books I want.
• Practice a healthy lifestyle. I'm really tired of trying to loose weight, but I do want to be healthy. That means I'll do yoga daily and use my wii for more than just Netflix.
• Homestead my land. Yes, I have land. Yes, I want to do a garden. And hubby likes to hunt. So that's probably going to be among the easiest of my goals.
• Spend time on my hobbies. I want to have a new knit or crocheted or sewn project completed each month. I also want to learn to play the guitar.
• Get serious about my spirituality. My beliefs are eclectic, to say the least. But they are mine and I need to make the time to connect with them.
  

So there you have it. My goals for 2011. Wish me luck!

Me

*Yes, I'm aware of how much that sounds like a resolution. But it's not. Because I said so.

Ever notice that the Universe has a way of kicking ya in the a$$--even when you don't want it?

I wrote that blog post about how I planned to get healthy, right? Well, now I have to. Turns out my cholesterol is high and I'm borderline diabetic. Sucks.

I think the worst part was that the doc said "oh, and you really need to loose at least 20 pounds." WTF???? Seriously??? You've got to be kidding me!

See, I've already lost 50. Like 2 years ago. And, try as I might, I can't get any more weight off my body. For more than two years I followed the Weight Watchers plan RELIGIOUSLY and I'd loose a pound, gain two, loose two, gain one... See a pattern??? And at $40 a month, in this economy, I couldn't afford it anymore.

Plus, I don't think I'm all that attractive. I mean, my kid thinks I am, and my parents do, and hubby, of course, but I don't see it. So my personal body image self-esteem is low. Like sucky. A negative number on the famous one-to-ten scale.

I think the most crappy thing about the weight is that I was just starting to be okay with how I looked. Now that's been shot out the window because I've been told (however well meaning) that what I've done isn't enough... I have failed.

I'm trying every hard to get over my mental block on this issue. I plan to try and ignore the "if you eat that, you'll be even fatter and uglier" voice that wants to mess with me. I think that means telling the nutritionist the doc had me call that it isn't going to work at this time. I need to like me... I want to like me. I can't seem to do that when I'm reminded of my failures...

Anyway, if you've read this far and have some advice on getting healthy, feel free to share.

Me

I'm not going to be posting everyday, so don't think I will. But today... well, today I will post.

I'm trying to be healthy. I've kinda given up on the idea of being "skinny." But I think I can do healthy.

As part of that mission, I have a few goals:

1. Find 5 geocaches a month. I like to geocache. It serves a few different purposes for me. First, it gets me off my lazy butt. Second, as a mystery author, I've found some great places to put a dead body because of the wanderings I've had geocaching. Don't know what geocaching is? Think of it as using multi-million dollar satellites to find cheap Tupperware in the woods. For a less smart-assed explanation, go to www.geocaching.com
2. Do six volksmarches a year. This is kinda like the geocaching thing, only volksmarches are longer. We're talking 5- or 10-K each.
   
3. Exercise every day. Let me be honest. I seriously hate to exercise. I can think of close to a million other things I'd rather be doing. But I do it. When the weather is nice, I walk to the stop sign and back. Hey, that's a lot further than it sounds... 1.2 miles each way. The joys of living in the country... I am hoping to get a wii soon to help me exercise during the cold, rainy, nasty weather.
   
4. Eat healthy. That means skipping the Whopper with Cheese and going for the Junior Whopper instead. And trying to eat lots of colors. I decided (with the help of Weight Watchers, which I'm no longer doing) that eating colors is good. Red, orange, yellow, green... Just not if the food is also fuzzy.

I've also been reading a great book, "Size Sexy," which is designed to remind women that they can be beautiful and not be a size 2.

So, I've changed my mindset from "get skinny" to "get healthy," which I think it a better plan all the way around.

Me

Just a quick update on my iLasik surgery. It went VERY well! My prescription before surgery was about 20/400 (or a -5 in each eye, or "can't see the big E on the chart!"). I had the surgery about 6 p.m. on Tuesday, August 19. At my follow-up appointment at 8 a.m. Wednesday (which I drove myself to, by the way!), they checked my prescription and it was 20/20 in each eye! I even managed to get one letter on the 20/15 line.

Talk about massive improvements! I totally recommend having this surgery! If you're thinking about it, do it! And the folks at the Black Hills Regional Eye Institute are fantastic!!!

The kid is sick. Well, not so much anymore, but she was this week. Her temp reached a high-point of 102.6. YIKES! The ER doc determined it's a virus of some sort (gee, thanks) and gave her vicoden (or however THAT's spelled) for the aches and pains so she could actually get some rest. When he left the room, the kid says "Isn't that what House takes?" If she starts to walk with a limp, I'll be worried!

She has finals next week and is very concerned about them. Being homeschooled that wasn't something she ever did before. Then again, she's a freshman in high school this year, and I'm not sure "regular school" kids in middle school would have taken finals. So the weekend will be spent resting and studying.

Oh, the vicoden must have worked. Her fever finally broke last night and she was her normal, goofy, teen-age self once again.

Day two of the WOMAN challenge and I walked three miles!

Sorry, just had to brag!

I've just registered for the WOMAN Challenge (http://www.4women.gov/woman/). Maybe that will get me moving more. WOMAN stands for Women and girls Out Moving Around the Nation.

Here's what it is:

This May, thousands of women across the country will embark on an eight-week walking challenge for better health. They will be part of the WOMAN Challenge-that is Women and girls Out Moving Across the Nation. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Office on Women's Health is coordinating the WOMAN Challenge to encourage women to get 30 minutes of moderate activity most days of the week and to kick off the eighth annual National Women's Health Week (May 13-19, 2007).
What is the WOMAN Challenge?

This free eight week challenge encourages women and girls to walk 10,000 steps or get 30 minutes of moderate exercise every day. The WOMAN Challenge begins on Mother's Day, May 13, and ends on July 8, 2007.

Maybe I can get a team set up and we can motivate each other. Or at least appeal to my competitive nature. Any takers? Steph? Heather?

Well, last week I may have gained, but I lost this week! In fact, I lost twice what I gained the week before.

My biggest problem is I HATE exercising. I don't have time for it. Between running here and there and everywhere to get *stuff* done, there's not much time for me. I guess that's what it boils down to -- time for me.

I plan to make exercise a bigger priority. To be honest, that's one reason I got Oscar. I planned to take him on walks and I know that would be good for me. And I have. Just not as often as I wanted.

Right this minute I could be in yoga/pilates class. But I'm not. I skipped it this morning. Maybe I'll take Oscar on a geocache and then I won't feel so bad. I just wish that exercise was something I could be more motivated about....

I realized today that I've lost weight every week for 14 weeks. Can you believe that? 14 weeks of losing as least two-tenths of a pound. That's a lot of weeks!

I re-designed my author web site (http://www.nicholerbennett.com) and I'm pretty proud of how it looks. I've also spent the week working on my novel. Right now, it's titled Ghost Mountain, which says volumes about the subject matter of the novel.

The baby blanket I'm knitting is more than half finished. For this same mom-to-be, I hope to also knit a stuffed bunny, booties, a sweater and a hat. We'll see what actually gets finished besides the blanket.

I went to the gym today. Finally. It's hard to get back to something you don't like to do. After fighting off germs and viruses around here, though, I knew I needed to get back.

Today's workout was good. I took an abs & arms class and let me tell you, I was workin' those muscles! As much as I don't "look forward" to the gym, I am sure glad I went!

I went out in public today. Felt good enough to do that, even! The antibiotics are really working -- thank goodness! My right eye is now just mildly annoying, where before it was painful to look at anything. My ear is still a little plugged, but it's not painful, either.

Then, to make my day even better, I tried on a pair of pants I purchased last year (on clearance) that were the wrong size. They fit!!!

Now that makes for a good day!

I didn't think I'd lose any weight this week. Instead, I'm down 1.2 pounds.

Right after the weigh in, I headed for the urgent care clinic. I'm now on two different antibiotics and was told to buy some real sudifed -- the stuff behind the counter thanks to the meth heads of the world.

Does it bother anyone else that the sick have to "suffer" by showing extra ID and it generally being a pain to buy an over-the-counter decongestant because of the drug addicts of the world? Or is my grouchiness at being under the weather coming out?

I have a news flash for anyone who knows me. I HATE BEING SICK!

OK, so that's not news and actually people who know me are shocked that it took me this long to admit it in public, but I really do hate being sick. After getting over the influenza A bout of two weeks ago, I now seem to have some kind of sinus infection that's now seeping out my eye. Yum. Good thing I'm married and loved because I sure don't thing anyone who DIDN'T love me could be putting up with me right now!

Maybe if I was sick more often, I'd be a better patient. Instead, I don't get viruses or bugs (kidney stones, yeah. acid reflux, unfortunately) very often. Maybe I just expect to be well too quickly. Or maybe if the lovely docs had seen fit to give me something for this sinus problem right away, my eyes wouldn't look like they belong on the bad guy of some "B" horror movie.

But no. I have to sit here, in a self-imposed quarantine, trying not to scratch my eyes out while simultaneously reminding my family to wash their hands and then use the hand sanitizer and then wash again.

OK, enough of my pity party. Pass me the chocolate....

OK, so there was no "weight loss" post this week, nor was there anything about the life of Jen. I do have a good reason, though.

Influenza A.

See, told you it was a good reason!

Oh, and the kid got strep throat. Know what that means? Yep. Hubby has become nursemaid.

More later when I'm feeling better.

I spent years thinking that I didn't have time to exercise. I didn't have time to eat right. I was wrong.

In the past two weeks (and, yes, I know it's just two weeks - six weeks makes a habit), I've found the time to exercise and eat better and still get to my hobbies. I've completed one sock for the kid (I'm starting the heel of the second one), I've worked on my second mystery novel, I've attended all the meetings and *junk* that I'm supposed to and started cutting out a quilt for my bed. (Or should I say the husband's bed since he's the one who really wants the quilt? Nah. What's his is mine and what's mine is mine, right? *smile*)

I will admit, though, that I didn't get my five geocaches done in January. Nor did I finish any bookmarks on the embroidery machine. That's OK. I have time. Besides, there's a reason I call them "goals" and not "resolutions"!

Down another pound this week. That's a big thing for me, since it's been a tough week.

I found out yesterday that my kidney stone is still there. I guess it's "stuck" in the tube somewhere, which is pretty gross to think about. Yeah, really gross to think about, actually! Now they're talking about breaking the stone with a laser and then some surgery to remove it. Not really what I wanted to hear yesterday!

I'm drinking so much water that I think I could float away!